New Years Eve Champagne Punch

2016 is finally coming to an end. It's been a crazy year, ready for a new one! 

If you're hosting a party tonight, or if you're spending it with a few, make some bomb drinks for you and your friends!

NYE Champagne Punch 

What You'll Need:
(2) bottles Champagne
(1) 750 mL bottle Ruby Port

(2) cups Grapefruit Juice

1/2 cup Simple Syrup

Grapefruit Slices

What to Do: 

- Place all ingredients in a large punch bowl filled with ice. Large ice works best here, so that the punch is able to hold without diluting too fast (if you don’t have large ice molds, you could freeze large blocks of ice in Tupperware containers). Also, if you wanna bump up the booze, you can freeze champagne and use as ice cubes as well.

- Garnish with fresh grapefruit slices.  

Happy New Years Eve! Hope everyone brings in 2017 in a great way! Please drink responsibly!

Why I Dislike Starbucks

I love coffee. 

Seriously.

If my heart wouldn't burst, I would drink only coffee and maybe a little soda too. That doesn't stop me from having at least two cups a day.

I have a Keurig. So coffee is super simple & is always made to taste the exact way I want it. If I'm on the go, I just make a cup before I leave the house.

I've always wanted to like Starbucks. I feel like everyone on the Earth is just so infatuated with the place. Let me tell you why I hate it. 

Um, why the f*ck is it so crowded in here? It's a coffee shop with a hundred people in it. Some sitting on their laptops, others are gossiping with their friends. Ew. Socialization. 

I don't know how to pronounce anything on this menu. Wait, why do I have to order the size of my cup in a different language? 

"Do you want to add a shot of anything?"

A shot? Whiskey if you have it. Why is this so complicated? I guess being an upscale coffeehouse, they needed their own lingo. 

Why so overpriced? Like the coffee isn't even that good. Girls in their Ugg boots feel that the money is worth the logo on a cup that they're going to throw away. 

Ugh. I just don't understand what all the hype is about. 

"Coffee is coffee."

Well, stupid is stupid. Everyone has a preference of flavor. So no, coffee is not just coffee. It's the reason why I don't hit people in the morning and the reason why I'm not falling asleep on my office desk at 2pm. 

Do you buy into the hype? Do you make your own? Let me know!

*Spiked* Hot Caramel Apple Cider

The recipes for mixed drinks just keep coming. 

Stay warm with this yummy hot caramel apple cider. :)

What You'll Need: 

4 cups Apple Cider

1 cup Caramel Vodka.. Or more. ;) 

1 tablespoon Cinnamon

1/4 Brown Sugar 

The brown sugar is to rim your glasses and make them pretty. After taste testing, if you wanna add sugar, go for it! 

Putting it Together:

1.) Mix all ingredients in large pot.

2.) Heat over medium-low heat. I keep it on a low setting so the booze won't burn out. Stir occasionally until liquid starts to steam. 

3.) While the cider is warming up, rim glasses with brown sugar. So friggin' cute. 

4.) Pour drank in glasses and enjoy! 

Super easy, right? Tastes great too. Nice, cozy holiday drink. 

Merry Christmas!

Everyone is a morning person today!  

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas, surrounded by loved ones and yummy food! Take it easy & enjoy the holiday. 

:)

'Twas the Night Before...

How are you spending Christmas Eve? 

I'm going to wear my fugly sweater and cuddle up to my fave holiday movies. Why? Because it's not acceptable to do so after the 25th. But really.

Make some cookies.

Drink some adult beverages. 

Be Merry.

Stuff your face. 

& wait for the Claus to arrive. 

Have a good night, everyone! :)

Easy DIY Holiday Card

If you're like me, you probably procrastinate until time is up. We have three days until Christmas. Are your cards ready?

You don't have to stuff your poor dog into a sweater for a photo. Trust me, he will thank you for getting a little more creative. 

Whether you're mailing them out to wish happy holidays, or if you want to throw a nice message into a gift bag, I have a cute & quick idea. It will only take a couple minutes! 

Find some festive or even your favorite colors on some paint swatches, cut into large triangles and viola! You have colorful Christmas trees that are super unique! Glue them onto your card. Add some stick-on bling to the top & you're ready to go. 

Neat, right? Happy holidays & procrastination! :)

Linking up today with:

Christmas Sangria

Just dropping in to let you know there are ways to make your buzz merry this year. Feel free to share some of your recipes for some drank as well! :)

Christmas Sangria 

What You'll Need: 

(2) 750 ml bottles White Wine

(1) Pomegranate 

(2) sliced Oranges

(6) oz Cranberries (1 1/2 cups)

(1) cup Pomegranate Juice

(2) cups Ginger Ale 

Easy Directions: 

1. In large pitcher, mix white wine, pomegranate, orange slices, cranberries & pomegranate juice

. 

2. Chill for at least an hour. 

3. Stir in ginger ale and enjoy!

Motherhood Madness

Motherhood is a wonderful thing, but comes with a great amount of bullsh*t. Am I right? You're exhausted, dirty, and losing your sanity little by little every day. It wasn't hard to find some memes that sum up this whole mommy thing.

I can't be the only one. I'll figure it out when I get there.

Drink up, ladies. It's gonna be a long day of watching the kiddies throw toys and run into doors.

HAHA. There will be no club hoppin' tonight. Bedtime is at 8 o'clock. 

This is so me. I have to rush washing my ass because if he climbs out of that damn crib...

Why is everthing always dirty? I haven't worn that. Ugh.

Yes, my eyes are closed. No, I cannot remember the last time I was in a deep slumber. Ya'll gotta keep your guard up before the kids start writing on the walls. 

Really, I feel for you. I hope you packed a Xanax in that diaper bag. The grocery store ain't ready for this one.

Guilty. I don't know if I get lost in it or if I secretly enjoy Paw Patrol.  

I really don't care if you're the Queen or the President. You can't handle mine.

It's the worst smell ever. That's where all the extra laundry comes from I suppose. 

Yes, Little Piggy. I must. 

Thanks for reading! 

Linking up today with:

Pimp My Christmas Tree

Do you have so much swag you want it to flow on your holiday decor this year? The answer is yes, yes you do. 

Don't get me wrong. The traditional stuff is super cute. I just felt like this year, I wanted to switch up the red & green. I'm a sucker for leopard print. So... 

I found so many cute ideas that pull away from tradition & are a little more personalized. What does your tree look like?

Happy Holidays! 

Walmart AKA HellMart

Walmart. We all dread those grocery store trips. I live in a small town, where Walmart is the only place to pick up the necessities. You know.. You go to pick up toilet paper & coffee creamer and end up spending an hour waiting in line to check out.

Wally World hoes... Why are there a thousand customers and only four registers open? I want to go home and continue binge-watching Breaking Bad. 

This old lady in front of me is using a coupon for every item scanned. I'm so glad you saved $0.75 on your BenGay but I'm not sure I can stand here and listen to the idle chit chat about the snow outside as you spend 30 minutes pulling out coupon after coupon.

Wait, let me rewind a second. 

I'm 5 foot nothing, and had a difficult time reaching the toilet paper I wanted on the top effing shelf because someone carelessly threw it up there. I climbed up the rack, hoping no one would see my midget self - looking like a child who ran away from his mom to do parkour off of things.

That hope went down the drain as I noticed a very obese woman in one of those motor chairs smirking at the sight of my struggle. Bish, I know you can walk. Stop giggling at me.

I finally knocked the TP into the cart. 

*Wipes sweat from forehead*

Now, let me grab the coffee creamer and get the f*ck out of here.

I continue over to the dairy aisle. I reach for the freezer door where I see the last Sugar Cookie creamer. A woman with 5 loud children literally let me open the door, reach for the bottle, and rudely shoved her big booty in front of mine & stole it right from under my nose.

  Okay, I didn't really scrap in WalMart. 

But,

O M G

Did that really just happen? I'm devastated. I grab the next flavor (unhappily) and throw it into my cart. I hate people. 

Okay. No more nice lady. I did not wear lipstick for you people to think I am not about my business. I quickly scurry to the front of the store so I can leave before I have a nervous breakdown. 

And now we are back to where we began. The store is packed, with little to no registers open. I finally find one where the line is shortest, but it's still going to be probably a twenty-minute wait. Oh well. I can do it.

Just kidding. 

I'm finally next to check out & that little old lady.. Man. Why not? 

The moral of the story is I should probably start going to HellMart at the a$$ crack of dawn or at 2 in the morning when not a creature is in sight. 

I can't even. 

Does anyone else have these experiences at the classy WalMart? Tell me about them. Make me laugh or feel better. 

Linking up today with:

Holiday Nails

For those of you that know me, I looove to have a fresh manicure. & pedi too. As soon as a nail breaks, I'm devastated. For the polish that chips, I loath thee. 

I've been seeing manicures that are so festive and it makes my heart happy. Pinterest gives me the low down on how to's and ideas for some pretty a$$ nails. 

It's pretty difficult to do some of the crazy painting that I see. But hey, I'll get better. & there's always little hacks to get it right. :)

Wanna see? Do you have a design to share? Let me know!

Basic B*tch Peanut Butter Cookies

A fellow basic b*tch of mine has the BEST (and easiest) recipe for peanut butter cookies. Three ingredients? Sold. Stop slaving over those cookies & learn the basic way. :)

WebMDiva tells us all about it on her Feed Me & Tell Me I'm Pretty link.

All you need is:

1 Egg

1 cup Sugar

1 cup Peanut Butter

That's all! Are you preheating the oven? You should. These are basically delicious. ;) 

Sh*t Kids Write... To Santa

If you read my last post about the sh*t that kids write, you know how humorous they can be with their words. In true Christmas spirit, I wanted to bring you a compilation of letters to Mr. Claus. 

Dear Santa, 

You better bring my pony this year. Or there will be consequences. 

- We all want a pony. Do you want to face the consequence, Santa? -

Dear Santa, 

Santa if you bring presents with batteries, bring batteries. 

- Seriously. It sucks to get a cool toy and have no batteries. -

Dear Santa,

I have been very good this year and for Christmas, I would like a barbie house like my friend Macy, an Ipad, a box of tacos, and a pet pig.

- I hope your new pet pig doesn't eat that box of tacos. That would be a shame. -

 

Dear Santa,

How are you? I'm good. Here is what I want for Christmas. 

*Insert Amazon link here*

- This is too cute & so fitting for the world today. Hop on over to Amazon to see the kids' wishlist. -

 Dear Santa, 

My name is Jacob and I am 1 years old. I would really like Santa to bring me...

A sausage.

- Me too, Jacob. I effing love sausage. -

Dear Santa, 

Please text my dad. He has my whole list. I love you. Xoxoxox

- Skip the whole postage thing and just text the jolly man himself. - 
 

Dear Santa, 

There is onlu one thing I want for Christmas Summer Vacation. That one thing is to bring Leonardo Dicaprio to my house because I think he's cute and I would like to meet him. If you could do that, I would be SO GRATEFUL. THANKS SANTA!

- Can Leo stop by my place for summer vacay too? This girl is smart. -

 

Dear Santa,

How are you and the reindeer doing? I am doing fine. I want a new football game and football because my little brother always tries to steal mine. He may look sweet but he is the devil. I alwso want a remote control truck.

Love, Evan

P.S. How do you get in to my house on Christmas?

- His brother Satan is trying to steal his football, Santa. Can you help him out? How do you get into the house? Are you breaking windows?

 

Cute, right? Oh... the joys of parenting.

Thanks for reading! 

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