Walmart. We all dread those grocery store trips. I live in a small town, where Walmart is the only place to pick up the necessities. You know.. You go to pick up toilet paper & coffee creamer and end up spending an hour waiting in line to check out.
Wally World hoes... Why are there a thousand customers and only four registers open? I want to go home and continue binge-watching Breaking Bad.
This old lady in front of me is using a coupon for every item scanned. I'm so glad you saved $0.75 on your BenGay but I'm not sure I can stand here and listen to the idle chit chat about the snow outside as you spend 30 minutes pulling out coupon after coupon.
Wait, let me rewind a second.
I'm 5 foot nothing, and had a difficult time reaching the toilet paper I wanted on the top effing shelf because someone carelessly threw it up there. I climbed up the rack, hoping no one would see my midget self - looking like a child who ran away from his mom to do parkour off of things.
That hope went down the drain as I noticed a very obese woman in one of those motor chairs smirking at the sight of my struggle. Bish, I know you can walk. Stop giggling at me.
I finally knocked the TP into the cart.
*Wipes sweat from forehead*
Now, let me grab the coffee creamer and get the f*ck out of here.
I continue over to the dairy aisle. I reach for the freezer door where I see the last Sugar Cookie creamer. A woman with 5 loud children literally let me open the door, reach for the bottle, and rudely shoved her big booty in front of mine & stole it right from under my nose.
But,
O M G
Did that really just happen? I'm devastated. I grab the next flavor (unhappily) and throw it into my cart. I hate people.
Okay. No more nice lady. I did not wear lipstick for you people to think I am not about my business. I quickly scurry to the front of the store so I can leave before I have a nervous breakdown.
And now we are back to where we began. The store is packed, with little to no registers open. I finally find one where the line is shortest, but it's still going to be probably a twenty-minute wait. Oh well. I can do it.
Just kidding.
I'm finally next to check out & that little old lady.. Man. Why not?
The moral of the story is I should probably start going to HellMart at the a$$ crack of dawn or at 2 in the morning when not a creature is in sight.
I can't even.
Does anyone else have these experiences at the classy WalMart? Tell me about them. Make me laugh or feel better.
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