Friday, December 16, 2016

Walmart AKA HellMart

Walmart. We all dread those grocery store trips. I live in a small town, where Walmart is the only place to pick up the necessities. You know.. You go to pick up toilet paper & coffee creamer and end up spending an hour waiting in line to check out.

Wally World hoes... Why are there a thousand customers and only four registers open? I want to go home and continue binge-watching Breaking Bad. 

This old lady in front of me is using a coupon for every item scanned. I'm so glad you saved $0.75 on your BenGay but I'm not sure I can stand here and listen to the idle chit chat about the snow outside as you spend 30 minutes pulling out coupon after coupon.

Wait, let me rewind a second. 

I'm 5 foot nothing, and had a difficult time reaching the toilet paper I wanted on the top effing shelf because someone carelessly threw it up there. I climbed up the rack, hoping no one would see my midget self - looking like a child who ran away from his mom to do parkour off of things.

That hope went down the drain as I noticed a very obese woman in one of those motor chairs smirking at the sight of my struggle. Bish, I know you can walk. Stop giggling at me.

I finally knocked the TP into the cart. 
*Wipes sweat from forehead*
Now, let me grab the coffee creamer and get the f*ck out of here.

I continue over to the dairy aisle. I reach for the freezer door where I see the last Sugar Cookie creamer. A woman with 5 loud children literally let me open the door, reach for the bottle, and rudely shoved her big booty in front of mine & stole it right from under my nose.

Okay, I didn't really scrap in WalMart. 


Did that really just happen? I'm devastated. I grab the next flavor (unhappily) and throw it into my cart. I hate people. 

Okay. No more nice lady. I did not wear lipstick for you people to think I am not about my business. I quickly scurry to the front of the store so I can leave before I have a nervous breakdown. 

And now we are back to where we began. The store is packed, with little to no registers open. I finally find one where the line is shortest, but it's still going to be probably a twenty-minute wait. Oh well. I can do it.

Just kidding. 

I'm finally next to check out & that little old lady.. Man. Why not? 

The moral of the story is I should probably start going to HellMart at the a$$ crack of dawn or at 2 in the morning when not a creature is in sight. 

I can't even. 

Does anyone else have these experiences at the classy WalMart? Tell me about them. Make me laugh or feel better. 

Linking up today with:

My Random Musings

Being A Wordsmith

Pick N Mix Fridays

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Holiday Nails

For those of you that know me, I looove to have a fresh manicure. & pedi too. As soon as a nail breaks, I'm devastated. For the polish that chips, I loath thee. 

I've been seeing manicures that are so festive and it makes my heart happy. Pinterest gives me the low down on how to's and ideas for some pretty a$$ nails. 

It's pretty difficult to do some of the crazy painting that I see. But hey, I'll get better. & there's always little hacks to get it right. :)
Wanna see? Do you have a design to share? Let me know!

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Basic B*tch Peanut Butter Cookies

A fellow basic b*tch of mine has the BEST (and easiest) recipe for peanut butter cookies. Three ingredients? Sold. Stop slaving over those cookies & learn the basic way. :)

WebMDiva tells us all about it on her Feed Me & Tell Me I'm Pretty link.

All you need is:
1 Egg
1 cup Sugar
1 cup Peanut Butter

That's all! Are you preheating the oven? You should. These are basically delicious. ;) 

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Sh*t Kids Write... To Santa

If you read my last post about the sh*t that kids write, you know how humorous they can be with their words. In true Christmas spirit, I wanted to bring you a compilation of letters to Mr. Claus. 

Dear Santa, 
You better bring my pony this year. Or there will be consequences. 
- We all want a pony. Do you want to face the consequence, Santa? -

Dear Santa, 
Santa if you bring presents with batteries, bring batteries. 
- Seriously. It sucks to get a cool toy and have no batteries. -

Dear Santa,
I have been very good this year and for Christmas, I would like a barbie house like my friend Macy, an Ipad, a box of tacos, and a pet pig.
- I hope your new pet pig doesn't eat that box of tacos. That would be a shame. -

Dear Santa,
How are you? I'm good. Here is what I want for Christmas. 
*Insert Amazon link here*
- This is too cute & so fitting for the world today. Hop on over to Amazon to see the kids' wishlist. -

 Dear Santa, 
My name is Jacob and I am 1 years old. I would really like Santa to bring me...
A sausage.
- Me too, Jacob. I effing love sausage. -

Dear Santa, 
Please text my dad. He has my whole list. I love you. Xoxoxox
- Skip the whole postage thing and just text the jolly man himself. - 

Dear Santa, 
There is onlu one thing I want for Christmas Summer Vacation. That one thing is to bring Leonardo Dicaprio to my house because I think he's cute and I would like to meet him. If you could do that, I would be SO GRATEFUL. THANKS SANTA!
- Can Leo stop by my place for summer vacay too? This girl is smart. -

Dear Santa,
How are you and the reindeer doing? I am doing fine. I want a new football game and football because my little brother always tries to steal mine. He may look sweet but he is the devil. I alwso want a remote control truck.
Love, Evan
P.S. How do you get in to my house on Christmas?
- His brother Satan is trying to steal his football, Santa. Can you help him out? How do you get into the house? Are you breaking windows?

Cute, right? Oh... the joys of parenting.

Thanks for reading! 

Linking up today with:

Epic Mommy Adventures

Monday, December 12, 2016

Top Holiday Movies

The best feeling is to cuddle up on the couch with your favorite people, a soft blanket, and a cup of hot cocoa. What Christmas flick will you be watching? 

The holiday movies are always so fun and there are many classics that make your heart happy, you know? 

Here are a few of my faves, and I've maybe watched them too many times but I don't think that I care. 

How the Grinch Stole Christmas 
Because we're all in sync with the Grinch sometimes, right? 

Super funny. Will Ferrell makes you want to go meet Santa himself. 

Bad Santa
Not for the kids, but a classic nonetheless. 

Home Alone
Super cute & the kids love! 

Christmas with the Kranks
Tim Allen & Jamie Lee Curtis. 'Nuff said. But really, very fun family flick.

Mickey's Magical Christmas
The inner child in me is a sucker for Mickey Mouse. So adorable & cheery.