Friday, January 20, 2017

Being a Lady Is Hard

If you have a vagina, the struggle is too real to put into words. But here I am, over-achieving and shit. Where should I start?

I want to relate to Beyonce and say that I woke up like this.
But I didn't. When I roll out of bed, it goes sorta like this:

After a long shower & a few cups of coffee, I will now speak without rolling my eyes.
We're allowed to be bitchy, right? That's our species?

Oh. I forgot to mention... 
Ladies take long showers, OK? We have many body parts to shave, groom, wash, and deep condition. I'm already tired.

I take the towel off my head. Spend a half hour trying to make my mane look effortlessly fabulous, Except it wasn't done effortlessly. If it rains or one person even thinks about touching it, I'm going to scream.
Why won't that one strand cooperate? Is that a gray hair? My split end shampoo clearly isn't working.

Fuck it. I'm wearing a hat.

Now it's time for the whore paint.

I'm not exactly a makeup pro, but I do like to pretend I have a fabulous YouTube audience listening to me talk to myself about how to properly apply eyeshadow. Depending on what my plans are for the day, I have to decide how to paint my face. 
Eyeliner is a must. 
I'm so careful. For I want my winged-liner to be sharp enough to kill a man. On most days, though, I have to remove it 5-6 times because this happens:


Lipstick. Duh. I almost never mess this part up. I guess that's the one thing in my favor.

I've worn sweatpants every day this week. Maybe I should wear a dress.
Fuck, I could make a trash bag look good, right?

Where are all my comfy tees? Oh yeah, dirty. FML. I'll have to scavenge for something else.


I can't make this up.

These are the "simple" basics of an everyday routine. Being a bitch is hard, ya'll

My point in this story is not that I should try hard to be the picture perfect lady I'm capable of being, but that not all ratchets are bad. Mwuahaha. :)

Happy Friday!

Linking up today with:

My Random Musings

Being A Wordsmith

Life Love and Dirty Dishes

JENerally Informed


  1. hahaha you're right being a lady requires a lot of effort or you will look homeless #stayclassymama

  2. On point from start to finish!! 😂😂 #fridayfrolics

  3. Ha ha! I finally realized that the difference between spending an hour getting ready and 10 minutes was minimal so I started enjoying that extra 50 minutes of sleep. ;)

    Thanks for partying with us over on #FridayFrivolity

    1. I suppose, but I'd rather be tired & pretty ;)
      Thanks for stopping by!

  4. Love this post!

    I have days of work in which I take time over my make up and then days of when I plan to do, well not a lot and in which case, I put a light coating on if I have to go out - and I limit the eyeliner lol. I would much rather sleep, or spend the day in my PJ bottoms - I mean why do we even need to get dressed anyway? Lol. Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes

    1. I try to get by with living in sweatpants sometimes.. Lol we deserve it! Thanks for stopping by!

  5. Rain and wind mean I don't have to make an effort because what's the point. Plus ridiculously hot days when your make up runs off!!! Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

  6. Bahahahahahaah, Whore Paint. OMG. Hahaha, and that pic of you with wings on the eye. DYING. So me. So me.

    1. LMAO girl, I think the poor lady in that photo did a better job than I do! Bahaha! Xoxo

  7. Hahaha love this! That should be a meme or something, "not all ratchets are bad ; )". I go through the same debate clothing wise and always fail on finding something nice to wear, fuck it I look good without that snazzy black tank top (wait are tank tops still in even?) Haha. Thanks for sharing with #stayclassymama!