The Greatest Valentines Day Pick-Up Lines

Valentine's is the cheesiest holiday in my opinion. Like shouldn't you love your significant other and show them that all the time?! 

Or for the single people, what the fuck are they supposed to do? Eat ice cream & wallow in their single sorrow? 

No, my friends. You're going to go out there and find the pretty/handsome, lady/fella and drop these sweet, sweet lines. 

Your success rate is guaranteed. 

And my personal favorite: 

These are killer, right? Enjoy V-Day! 

& remember, if these fail you, there is always a fallback plan.

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How To Not Be A Dick: A Child's Guide

Every child hits a stage where they're just an asshole. I don't think the vast world of science & technology could even begin to explain the reason why. It just happens. As a parent, you have to know how to deal with the messiness of childlike behavior without acting like one yourself. 

  Alright kiddies. Before your mom has to tell you for the 23940175 time, I'm going to give you some basic guidelines on How To Not Be A Dick.    I know you want to roll out of bed and go jump on your Mom to wake her up.  Don't.   You know how you always throw your toys just because you like the loud noise? Stop it.   The way you diddle your ass instead of getting ready, & we're already late. Put your fucking shoes on.   When it comes to your food... I know it's so cute to throw it on the floor and watch the dog jump for it. Eat it.
Sure, we can watch Paw Patrol instead. But you know what you have to do? ACTUALLY watch it.   If you're thinking about dunking something into the toilet,  Think again.    In the grocery store, it's okay to be bored. But for fuck's sake Don't make a scene.    If it isn't yours,  Don't be getting into it.    If you want to be heard,  You do not need to raise your voice. I'm standing right in front of you.   Instead of going all Indiana Jones & trying to climb on the counters to get something out of a cabinet, Just ask.      When Mommy goes to the bathroom, Let her have some privacy. She just wants to shit in peace.   Sharpies are markers. Meant for paper & other crafts. Not for your body or the walls.   Sure, your brother is being crazy too. Don't hit him.   I know you have secret super powers and can climb up the wall,  Resist this urge.  
  When it comes to sticking things up your nose or in your ears,
Seriously? You're an animal. 

If mom said no,
That most likely means no.

You want to play a game on Mom's phone?
Fine. No need to text everyone in her inbox some made up language. 

When it comes to making a big mess, if you wouldn't wanna clean it up,
Don't do it.

 
If you want to dance around the house half-naked,
Man. Go for it.
 
  You see, the moral of the story here is,  If you don't want Mommy to be a dick... You probably shouldn't be one either.      Enjoy the insanity, mamas! :) Xoxo    Linking up with:  

Snapchat Fails -- People Having a Bad Day

We all have those days. You wake up & just know something isn't right with it. You crawl out of bed, put on your slippers, and fall down the stairs. 

Damn. 

I've compilated some Snapchat fails of people having a worse day than me & probably you, too. 

So on a scale of 1 to these photo fails, how was your week?!

Happy Friday & thanks for stopping by!

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Why Every Mom Says F*ck

We're all guilty of it. Slipping that lovely 'F' bomb. Some more than others. Nonetheless, it gets dropped. By accident and on purpose. 

Especially....

When you're a parent. 

I always thought before I had my child that I would really tone down my language and watch my mouth to be a good example. 

& I am. Sort of. 

I pictured myself as Betty Crocker, baking everything on God's green Earth & tucking the sweet babies in at 7 PM. A Mother Teresa if you will.

 How naive of me. After getting left-hooked in the face by motherhood, the picture I previously painted became the lifelong laugh of my days.
This looks more like it:

Or maybe this:

As long as none of you are like this:

I f*cking hate Farrah. Lol.

I love being a mama. It just comes with situations that have me like, F*ckkkk.

I've always had "curse" words in my almost everyday speech. I try not to write on my blog this way too much, I know some are too sensitive for it.
But f*ck 'em.
 

F*ck

What a universal word. You can throw it in any sentence, you know? I think it's odd if you don't occasionally use it. It's a stress reliever. Go ahead, it just feels good. Just because I'm a mom doesn't mean I can't say it.

F*ck yeah Martha, I totally f*cking agree.

Here are some prime times when moms say this wonderful word, or secretly want to say it.

• The kid(s) just broke something.

• You just broke something.

• You forgot to grab something. 

• The wine spilled. (Holy f*ck)

• School functions. 

• The sink is full.

• It's cold outside.

• Lipstick smeared.

• Out of milk.

• You drop something.

•  The food is burnt.

• Coffee got cold. 

• There's a mess.

• There's not a mess.

• On your birthday.

• Not on your birthday.  

You get my point.

Like I said, it's a stress reliever. Being a parent is one of those things where that "frowned upon" word is completely acceptable to use. It was probably my first spoken word, and I turned out pretty okay, right?

When do you use this sentence enhancer? :)

For those with the curse word sensitivity, not to worry. I usually try to filter my posts. But I know I'm not the only one here!

Thanks for reading! 

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